Love Lies Dying Read online

  And no matter how he tried to stop it, he soon found himself erect and throbbing.

  He tried to move his mind onto other things, to help his erection subside, but as soon as it looked like he was succeeding, she would pop back into his mind and blood would automatically flow back into his cock.

  She’s young and so different from what I’m used to, he thought to himself.

  “Have you ever thought about having an affair?” she had asked him. “I mean, you must have, right? Who hasn’t thought about it?”

  “Oh, Zoe,” he said to himself. “Things just aren’t that easy.”

  “What isn’t that easy?” she replied.

  He turned to find her standing by the shower screen, his blue dressing gown still draping her shoulders and a towel in her hands.

  “What are you doing?” he asked, placing his hands on his hips.

  She ran her eyes up and down his body, stopping at his erect cock.

  “I just came in here to help you out,” she said.

  John realised standing with hands on hips wasn’t helping his situation. He swung around so his back was to her and cupped his hands over his groin as a second line of defence.

  “Seems like you need some help,” she nodded her head towards his hands. “Naughty thoughts?”

  “No,” he said. “Nothing like that.”

  “So you usually get all hard in the shower?” she teased. “My, you are a naughty boy. You’ll go blind, Johnny, unless you let a good woman take care of you.”

  Keeping one hand over his erection, he used the other to turn off the water and then he reached back towards her.

  “I believe you have a towel for me?”

  She handed him the one she had been holding.

  Quickly, John wrapped it around his hips and knotted it in front. Luckily, the knot seemed to hide most of the bulge from between his legs.

  Zoe giggled, “So, spill the beans.”

  “Beans? What beans?”

  “You said that things aren’t that easy. What were you talking about?”

  “Nothing,” he walked from the shower and headed back to the main bedroom. “It doesn’t matter now.”

  “Tell me,” she asked as she followed.

  “No, I was just talking to myself.”

  “That’s the first sign of madness, you know.”

  “Very funny.”

  He walked into the main bedroom and headed straight for his underwear drawer by the bed. He noticed that the double bed had been made and that Zoe’s suitcase was pushed into the far corner in front of Helen’s wardrobe, along with one of Helen’s bedroom chairs. She had been busy with the housework.

  “So, why were you talking to yourself?” She jumped onto the bed and crawled across towards him.

  He turned to watch her as she came closer. His bathrobe was fully open now and her breasts jiggled as she approached. They were the perfect shape and so lovely and tanned.

  Turning back to the underwear drawer, he searched for an old pair of boxers. There was plenty of Helen’s underwear in the drawer, but only a couple of pairs of his pushed to the back. He could smell Helen in the drawer and in the room. It was a different smell from Zoe; not as fresh or as exciting.

  He continued digging around, needing time to focus on something mundane to ease his pulsing erection.

  “Obviously,” he continued as he inspected the contents of the drawer closer than ever before. “I wasn’t talking to myself if you were in there with me.”

  “Exactly! But you didn’t know I was there!”

  “That’s right,” John said. “Which leads me to ask, why were you there?”

  There was silence from behind him. He wasn’t going to turn around, he wanted to make sure he got an answer.

  “Well?” he picked a pair of boxers, bent over and pulled them up his legs and under the towel, making sure they were positioned correctly before turning around.

  “I just wanted to help you, Johnny. Honestly.”

  “You don’t have to help me that much,” he said as he turned to face her.

  She was lying on the bed, her legs and arms apart, the bathrobe flung open. She lay there like an angel with blue wings. Her body shone in the sunlight and she looked more tanned than before, as if the sun’s rays were gently caressing her body and warming her, ready for him.

  He couldn’t help it, his eyes moved from her painted red toenails up along her muscled and perfect legs, and rested on the bare, hairless folds between them. With her legs spread wide, John could see more of her vagina than he had last night. The underside of her perfectly round buttocks and the crack between them drew his eyes up higher to the pink flaps sitting bare and moist and waiting for him. He tried hard to pull his eyes away, but he found it almost impossible. His erection thudded inside his boxers as if it were going to break out.

  Oh, God! he thought.

  Then she moved.

  She brought her knees up and spread her legs even further, widening the gap between them, and opening herself to him even more.

  “I just want to help you, Johnny,” she whispered.

  He tore his eyes from her lovely mound and looked at her face. She smiled back at him once more.

  Such an angel, he thought. Such a beautiful angel.

  His eyes worked their way from her face down along her breasts. They were sitting perfectly still and her nipples were hard and standing on end, like dollops of dark chocolate.

  Her stomach rose rhythmically and he could see her ribs through the skin. He was drawn again to her tight muscles and the diamond sitting in her belly button and then lower, once more, to the inviting cleft between her legs.

  Such a body, he thought.

  “Have you ever thought about having an affair?” she had said to him last night.

  Who hasn’t? he thought.

  His erection was pushing against the boxers and the towel now. If he didn’t do something soon the towel would unwind and he’d be in a worse situation.

  “You asked me to think about what I would like to do today,” she whispered. “I’ve decided.”

  John ran a hand through his hair.

  “Zoe, look –” he began.

  “The only question is whether it’s what you want to do today too.”

  “I’m flattered, really I am. But you have to understand, okay? You’ve got to see that I love someone else. I’m spoken for. I’m with someone else!”

  Zoe nodded her head. “I do understand that, Johnny. You told me that last night.”

  “But you don’t seem to understand!”

  “I do!” she replied. “That’s okay, you love Helen, I’m fine with that. But she’s not here now. I am. What we do doesn’t have anything to do with Helen. Sex has got nothing to do with love.”

  John sat down next to her and sighed, “Of course it does, Zoe. I don’t know what strange ideas Fox put into your head, but I only have sex with the person I love, I don’t go around having sex with just anyone.”

  Zoe’s face fell. She grabbed the sides of the bathrobe and wrapped them around her body, cutting off his view.

  “So that’s all I am?” she whispered. “I’m just anyone.”

  John sighed deeply, “That’s not what I meant.”

  “I’m repulsive, aren’t I?” she whispered.

  “What?” John stared at her.

  “You don’t want to have sex with me because I’m repulsive.”

  “Come on, Zoe. You know you’re not.”

  “You don’t want my body. You don’t want me. I’m no good to anyone except Ricky Fox.”

  “Don’t talk like that.”

  “I shouldn’t have left him,” she mumbled as she crossed her arms over her chest.

  “Okay, now you really are being stupid,” he stood and walked over to his wardrobe. He couldn’t take much more of this. “You know that’s not true. You know you did the best thing. You had to get out of there.”

  “Fat lot of good it did me, I’m no use to anyone else n
ow I’ve been with him. I’m ugly, dirty and tarnished.”

  He slid open the wardrobe door to look for something to wear. It stuck on the tracks and he had to push harder. Helen’s overstocked wardrobe was always too full, making it difficult for him to slide open his door.

  I’ll have to talk to her about that, he thought. Again!

  “Don’t be silly.”

  “You hate me.”

  He turned to face her, his arms spread wide. “Look, Zoe, stop all this. I don’t hate you. I like you, I really do. I just won’t have sex with you, do you understand?”

  “But why?” She rolled onto one side to face him and spread the dressing gown open once more so he could look at her again. “Why wouldn’t you? What’s so repulsive about this?”

  He glanced at her body and slowly made his way over to the bed. He kneeled on the ground and looked deep into her brown haunting eyes.

  “There’s nothing wrong with you, Zoe. Believe me, please? You are the most beautiful girl I have ever met. You caught me with an erection in the shower because I was thinking about you, okay? I can’t get you out of my head! I’ll admit it. Since I found you naked on the sofa last night I haven’t been able to get you out of my mind. You’re a picture of beauty and I’ll probably fantasise about you until the day I die, but I’m in love. Love! Do you understand? And even though I’d dearly love to give you what you want, and what I want for that matter, it’s not going to happen. Okay?”

  He continued to stare at her and he watched as the emotions whipped across her face. Her lip trembled and she half-smiled.

  “That’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me, Johnny,” she whispered.

  “Well, it’s all true,” he said.

  She took one hand and wrapped the bathrobe around her body.

  “Helen’s a lucky girl,” she said as she leaned forward and kissed him on the forehead. “I’m sorry for all this. So sorry.”

  “It’s okay,” he replied as he stood and walked back to his wardrobe. “Just as long as you now understand exactly what I’m talking about.”

  She giggled, “Yeah, I do. Sorry. I can be so pig-headed sometimes. I always like to get what I want.”

  John nodded as he picked out a shirt for the day. “That’s okay,” he said over his shoulder. “As long as you realise you’re not going to get me!”

  She giggled again from behind him. He heard the sounds of the sheets rustling and footsteps on the floor.

  “I’m sorry,” she said as she came up behind him and hugged him once again.

  “Zoe…” he warned.

  She stepped back and he turned around to face her. Her arms were stretched out and she had an innocent look on her face.

  “Hey, I was just hugging a good friend, that’s all. Nothing else!”

  She smiled and giggled again.

  “Just as well,” he gave her a half-hearted stern look.

  “Well,” she turned around and headed to her suitcase. “I better get dressed so you can show me the town.”

  “Huh?”

  “We’ve got to fill in some time before Helen comes to meet us at five. You told me to think about something to do today.”

  “Yes, but I thought –”

  “And number two on my list was a guided tour around wonderful Parkhurst,” she smiled.

  “But shouldn’t we stay here? I mean, can you risk being seen outside if Fox is trying to hunt you down?”

  She shook her head as she pulled the suitcase up onto the bed and opened it.

  “I thought about that, Johnny. But we can sit around here all day doing nothing, with me thinking about Ricky and worrying about what he could do to me if he ever finds me, or you can take my mind off it all by showing me a good time in town somewhere. It’s your choice, but I think we both need to get out of this house and to keep our minds occupied, otherwise this bed could be too much of a temptation for both of us.”

  John nodded his head.

  Ain’t that the truth! he thought.

  She turned to face him with her hands on her hips.

  “Well?” she said.

  “Yeah, I see your point,” he agreed. “Maybe we do need to get away from here for a while. It can’t hurt, right?”

  “Exactly!”

  “And we can meet Helen at five and worry about things then.”

  “That’s right.”

  “Shouldn’t you rest up or something? I mean, you’ve had a pretty hard week.”

  She shook her head, “Don’t worry about me. I feel fine. I bounce back pretty quickly. I just think I need to get my mind off things.”

  John nodded and smiled. “Okay, you’ve got a deal.”

  He cupped his hands around his mouth and shouted, “Murdock’s Tours departing in half an hour!”

  Zoe giggled, “John, you’re such a ham!”

  He laughed and turned back around to the wardrobe to reach in and pull out an old pair of jeans.

  Helen called this old ratty pair his “weekend jeans.”

  “You never wear anything else on the weekend,” she had said once.

  “Hey, it’s the weekend!” he had replied. “I’ll wear anything other than a suit if I can help it. And I don’t wear them every weekend, just most weekends!”

  They’d laughed about that, right here in this bedroom. They used to laugh about a lot of things before Helen got pregnant and the troubles began. If only she didn’t blame herself for losing the baby.

  If only…

  He hoped she’d be able to find out some news for Zoe. Anything. Even the slightest piece of information might be able to help her decide what to do next.

  Then their lives could return to normal.

  John smiled as he thought about a normal life. With Helen working long hours and his own late nights at work, he wondered what was normal anyway. He thought there must be couples out there who spend the weekend together, trying to cram everything into every minute before it was over and their jobs divided them again. He thought about calling Helen to check how everything was going, but she’d only bark down the phone at him for dragging her away from her work. Just like usual.

  She didn’t even ask to speak to me when she called, he thought.

  He knew she was playing another one of her games. Games were all they played these days.

  Five o’clock will get here fast enough, he thought.

  He turned around having picked his shirt and jeans and faced Zoe once more.

  She was still standing there looking at him, with her hands on her hips, a strange expression on her face – part fear and part anger.

  He raised his shoulders. “Did I miss something?”

  She giggled and her stern look was broken.

  “What?” he asked.

  “Ah, I’d like to get dressed,” she smiled across the room at him. “You know, in private. But you’re kinda, well, in the room with me.”

  John threw back his head and laughed. “Okay,” he said. “Sorry. Don’t know what I was thinking.”

  He turned and headed for the door.

  “Thanks,” she said as he went.

  “No problem. I’ll be in the spare bedroom finishing getting dressed, if you need anything.”

  “Okay.”

  He walked out into the hallway and closed the door behind him. He smiled. His talk had finally made it through to her, by the looks of things.

  Finally, he thought.

  “Johnny!” he heard her call through the wall.

  “Maybe not,” he muttered.

  He turned around and walked to the doorway. He knocked on the door before opening it, and then stuck his head through into the bedroom.

  “Yes?”

  She was sitting on the bed with the bathrobe still around her. Clothes were strewn all over the bed and she was picking through them, as if trying to find something in particular.

  She turned to face him with her perfect smile.

  “I’m sorry,” she said.

  “Sorry?” A frown cross
ed his face, “Sorry for what?”

  “For causing you to fantasise about me until the day you die.”

  He laughed again and then she joined in.

  “Believe me,” he said between laughs. “You’re never going to be someone I forget!”

  She giggled again and her eyes fell to the floor. She fiddled with the hem of one of her dresses spread out before her.

  “Thanks, Johnny,” she said. “I don’t know what I’d do or where I’d be without you.”

  “You’d be going into town alone, that’s what you’d be doing. And if you don’t hurry up and get dressed, you’ll miss the tour!”

  Her eyes met his again and she smiled.

  “Come on,” he said. “Twenty-five minutes is all you’ve got!”

  He closed the door to the sounds of her giggling and headed back down the hallway with his clothes.

  He had no idea where he would take her, but he agreed that getting out of the house and getting her mind off everything was probably the best thing for her.

  Anything that reminded her of that Fox asshole was probably the last thing she needed right now. And to be perfectly honest, he didn’t know how he’d handle it either.

  He didn’t want to get involved in a potentially violent situation, but what could he do? He couldn’t turn his back on one of Helen’s friends.

  If Helen were here we could all discuss it.

  He entered the spare bedroom, sat on the bed, and climbed into his jeans.

  Zoe was a hard girl to read; so full of emotions that could change from one moment to the next. One second she’s happy and the next she’s sad. She wasn’t going to be someone he’d be able to handle if she got out of control.

  And then he remembered her lying on the bed with his robe around her. Her legs open and inviting, her body so tanned and muscled and tight. He had wanted to, there was no doubt about it.

  What man wouldn’t? he thought.

  But that didn’t change anything. Sure, maybe nine out of ten men would have jumped right on that bed and fucked her brains out (after all, she wanted it), but if he did that it would only make things even more complicated for all of them.

  He put his arms into his shirt-sleeves and began to button up.

  He had to keep control of Zoe, and himself.